It's amazing how many things can change in a week. Just a little over a week ago I thought I was moving to Milwaukee, found out the last year and a half of my life was a weird, weird dramedy, and thought I was going to watch my child's early years in a women's homeless shelter. I think that week may have been the lowest, absolutely lowest in my life. I never want to go back to that.
Today I live in a nice house in Butler County with people close to my family. I just moved here on Monday and already I have emergency food stamps, with cash and medical assistance on the way. Things are running so much smoother now. Also, a Giant Eagle close to here is hiring for an Eagle's Nest attendant! I really hope to get it. I have the background and I love working with kids. I think this would be an amazing job to have, especially at this stage.
I have been needing a distraction though. There are hours where I won't think of Brandon and then there will be a sudden pang of pain. It's not because I love him anymore - there's no going back there. But it hurts nonetheless. I feel bad for him also, and though there is still anger, I have forgiven him, because he's really punished himself enough... But I'm jealous that he had been getting double the affection he didn't deserve and now he still gets that from his...not so new girlfriend.
I've reopened an OKCupid account I hadn't opened since he and I had broken up for a bit last spring, just to talk and get to know folks, but y'know that never goes as planned. I've kind of met someone, he lives in Ohio, and I enjoy talking to him (a lot). I want, I need things to go slow. I'm in no position to date-date, but, hey, if Brandon feels that he can, I feel that I should be privy to that as well. I look forward to getting to know him more. So far it seems we are both honest with what we want, which is mighty refreshing.
I haven't received any judgmental messages like I thought I might. I was straightforward and honest about my situation, and I've seemed to get more serious men because of that. Of course, there are always the weirdos. Oh god, the weirdos... I feel pretty happy right now. I didn't think my life could turn around so quick! I'm gotten myself out of some bad situations, but I had no idea how I was going to swing this... Life has been good to me, in its way. I'm grateful for it.
Today I'll be unpacking all the wonderful baby things friends and family have given me! I'll be sure to put up a photo of the nursery once it's completed.
I'm also reading The Happiest Baby on the Block, which my former employers recommended. I'm really digging it so far! I'd like to write a review once I'm finished.
I hope you're all doing well! :)
- Sara
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